Right now, things are completely different...
I'm starting to doubt if this is the right path for me to take... I chose it because it's the only way to achieve my dream, a dream that keeps me alive and keeps me going everyday. There were so many times I just wanted to kill myself, but I didn't because of this beloved dream of mine.
I felt so sure I could make it, I knew it was going to be hard... but I'm finding out this hardness goes more than the physical pain of been unable to sleep more than 4 hours per week. There are some classes in which I feel good, I got this amazing feeling of been where I'm supposed to be at last. But there is also THE class that's making me so insane... the class that makes me feel the most stupid person ever, the one that makes me doubt.
You could argue that ONE class shouldn't be affecting me so much... the thing is that this class is the most important one of the entire career as it contains all the basis for it.
Damn it! they are just the basis and I can't handle them correctly, how am I supposed to do the project when I don't understand the first and most important thing of the process? I've done research, I've asked other people... hell... I still don't get it. What's my fucking problem? why can't I understand it? For heaven's sake! I'm not a god, I wasn't born with all the knowledge in my head. I'm human, so why am I not allowed to have doubts?
I felt so sure I could make it, I knew it was going to be hard... but I'm finding out this hardness goes more than the physical pain of been unable to sleep more than 4 hours per week. There are some classes in which I feel good, I got this amazing feeling of been where I'm supposed to be at last. But there is also THE class that's making me so insane... the class that makes me feel the most stupid person ever, the one that makes me doubt.
You could argue that ONE class shouldn't be affecting me so much... the thing is that this class is the most important one of the entire career as it contains all the basis for it.
Damn it! they are just the basis and I can't handle them correctly, how am I supposed to do the project when I don't understand the first and most important thing of the process? I've done research, I've asked other people... hell... I still don't get it. What's my fucking problem? why can't I understand it? For heaven's sake! I'm not a god, I wasn't born with all the knowledge in my head. I'm human, so why am I not allowed to have doubts?
Right now all of this is usless. From the 6 projects I have to present during the course I barely approved the first one, failed the second, third one was cancelled, and I've failed this fourth project... even if I manage to aprove the other projects, and IF my grades rise a bit and I won't have to re-course the subject, I still lose the schollarship.
It was so hard to get that schollarship, and knowing I've lost it... I just can't handle it. Just one mistake is bringing everything down
If this is not the right path, if I don't have what's needed for achieving my dream...
Then what's my reason fur staying here?
How I wish things could be solved as easyly as taking an eraser and delete everything that went wrong and redoing them better every time...
what a pity things aren't like that...
1 comments:
I also want to delete all the bad things that you've done or any one else.
It feels like the ones I care about, is getting hurt when im around them :<
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