Fear Of Living... Fear Of Dying Whispers by Mau ~ The Dreamer In Tears , 20.2.10 at 22:39, in

I think I've tried so long to find myself, that I ignored what I was losing, what I lost and finally realized what I've become.... and I hate it, I hate it as much as I love it, as strange as it may sound. Once I heard that Demons attract Angels. I actually feel like a Demon, for I feel I find Angels easily, though, the never-spoken part of this story, is that Angels have even a darker background than the Demon itself. I hate who I am, but because I'm like this, I've found incredible people for whom I'd give everything. And I know they love me because of who I am.

It's somehow scary, I feel divided all time, always the same two parts. One says one thing, the other will say the complete opposite. I'm filled with fear. I'm afraid of everything, of me, of my moves, of people, of what's around me.
As much as I want to live, to make my dream come true, to live just what's necesary to feel true happines again, is as much as my desire to die, and end all these thoughts, all the pain, and have some rest and peace at last, because life will never give me or anyone a time to rest, life never waits for anybody.

I know many people would find this post quite depressive, somehow clichèd too... but this is me. This is the way I feel. I've been dealing with thought like this for so many years. Wonder if one day I'll be able to write anything else... anything different.

~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~

Got me Ticket!! Sirenia Next Week!!
Countdown: 1 day!!

edit: how fast this week went!! o.o